Blog, it's been a while

Train and the Traveling Wilburys and Pink Floyd and Tom Petty and Red Hot Chili Peppers-- you remind me of my brother on a summer day, and of the puffy clouds that I want to be out chasing.

That's where I've been, poor Blog, instead of tending to you like a cute little zen garden.  I was chasing clouds, for all I thought they could bring me happiness.  Instead of ground, where I felt too heavy and down, I wanted to find my dreams somewhere.  I thought they were floating in the clouds.

Apparently not; things haven't worked out the way I thought they would.

It's easy to grab on to a lot of clouds--they're practically made of nothing.  After one, I was still hungry; I had so much space in my spiritual stomach to fill, that I kept grabbing onto more, and more, and more...

And I was never full.  In fact, I kept looking back at the ground, envying those who were so full of light and substance, and wanting to return to that.  But once you're in the clouds, it's next to impossible to get yourself back down.

I was looking for an anchor to climb back down.

So I grabbed the hands of my friends, found the smooth warm comfort of my bed and my toes in the grass, and remembered pleasure.  The solid things in life that make the world go 'round, the warm coffee shops with classical music and jasmine teas.  The candle on my desk as a gentle breeze rustles the bella palm leaves next to my computer, the soft caress of cloth on skin...

So here I am again, back on the ground, but still a little lost.  Those clouds, even though I know the danger, still call softly to me, missing my carefree companionship.  And here on the ground, I remember why I wanted to leave it in the first place--I'm heavy again, bogged down with wants and desires and missings and loves.

It's all a balance, I think.

So I'm going to a percussion show tomorrow, on a whim, catching a cloud on its way up from the earth before it gets too high.  Life is a matter of luck and chance, and if I catch these opportunities as they float under my nose, I might just find that the ground can be lightness too.